floundering kite

'It's summer, I can taste the salty sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me'

-- Kite, U2

i would like to be a floundering kite....soaring up the heights of skies.. unshackled, unleashed, unstoppable
i would like to be a floundering kite over the trees...flying with eagles and bees
if i could just fly above the clouds...would i ever return...and if i come back how much would i learn....
i want to be like the unbound stream...nothing to care about..an infinite dream...

i want to face the might of the march wind...the wind may blow..i just want to flow....
but once free from my strings..am deprived of all my stays...in vein to fly away....
how much this kite resembles me..impatient in its stands...far away from the control of hands
it will run until the old breeze blows....its wings are free and up she goes.....

best friends..

Sometimes I wonder
if you haven’t a clue,
that beyond being friends
I’m also in love with you.
I pray for a day
when the light will dawn;
and become a reality,
that there is more
than a friendship
between you and me.
But until then I must
keep a lock on my heart,
be your best friend
and hide this other part,
because
I love you enough
to continue to dream;
and hold on tight;
there will come a day
you will see me,
in a different light

stray dogs...

a piece of meat
and a bunch of them
curiosity in eyes
hunger bred pain

bites over the neck
mud all around
no one gets the piece
all fall to ground

the chaos ends in vein
eyes restore hunger
bone mingled skins
lives in slumber

anger overcomes desire
a flash of utter madness
stray dogs get the pain
their faces cult of sadness

barks turn to weeps
eyes tend to dark
hunger wins the battle
now they are earth's part

the girl in blue...

Hey what's her name? 

I wanna write her a poem too. 

To this gal with emerald eyes 

Who dresses in white and blue 

Has long dark brown hair 

And a beautiful smile too. 

Oh I wanna tell her 

Oh I wanna be more Than just friends with her 

She's always makin eyes with me 

Guys swarmin like she's queen bee 

Oh if I could only write a poem 

While she's still givin attention to me

love and sin

i am not the love you are looking for
just the sin you are lusting after
i have never been a part of your story
just the illusion you have been lurking after

you've never been that harsh on me
but still i am feeling the everlasting pain
i am not the bliss you've been searching for
just a hollow dream you are running after

i've always been on opposite side of the wall
your cries could never reach me
i am not the life you've been craving for
just the past you have been daily dying after

i am just the reminiscence of your broken heart
a factor of infinite sins moulding your life
i am not the image you have been dreaming of
just a reminder of your long gone laughter

and just a sin you are lusting after

OR.....

or.....

can't you see the world as i see it...
can't you sense life
in these petals
emerging like a child
an infant, thirsty for love

why don't you see this rain
thats wetting my soul
making me want more of it
why don't you see
it could be you

can't you see this sky
these birds
the tree
you and me
is this phantasm?
or there it is
in this shallow sea
its warm,its water
its silk
don't you see it's for us

why don't you see the world through my eyes..
this moon
all blue
all this love
dripping off my soul

can't you feel my grip
i am holding your hand
and inching closer to you
your closed eyes are cold
but i cherish the dreams
that you are seeing with your eyes closed

can't you see me
in your dreams
can't you see
we have same dreams

am i hurting you
am i too close to you
but you don't mind it
or do you??

has it been long enough
or have i been dreaming
why do i feel cramped
and why can't i see you outside
the rain has stopped but i stand still drenched

why can't i see you
in my soul
in the drops of rain
that have left me now
where did you fragrance go

have i given up on you?
or was there any you at all?
or maybe there's no me...
or ......

richard wright

richard wright....

a thin boy caught in slumber
a full house and crowd in numbers
a place to find for the greatest gig in the sky
a lifetime of peace and a perfect goodbye

a keyboard of infinite keys
and a humming solo of bumblebees
the boy climbed the stage as he must
a search for vera and lost young lust

the boy's no dope,he's a hope of light
indivisible psychadelia,bizarre delight
the stage enlightened, the crowd screams
a shining crazy diamond inside his dreams

time flies away, in somes money
piper at the gates, dawning harmony
the boy's right for all his sorrows
coming back to life, today and tomorrow

he stood beyond the darkness of moon
against the wall, singing his tunes
his echoes rhyming with cosmos
god's call, adieu to god's fellows

a master of life, a master for life
a reason to leave and end of exile
the man'll always live, he just can't die
all he was saying is" goodbye blue sky"

salvation!!

SALVATION....

why do you keep yourself entangled with me in my dreams..
why do i seek you in my solace?
when everyone's here why do i need you?
and why do i feel high whwn i am with you...

do you think darling you have made me dependent upon you...
why does your embrace bring warmth to my soul?
you would someday kill me..
but why you're inseparable..why you engulfing my whole?

why are you flowing in my veins now..
why have the surroundings pacified and why this calmness inside?
and how do you just keep me going through...
SMOKE you're my salvation..
I have fallen in love with you

song-N

i am not a cuban sugarcane
am not an escobar
i despise indignation
i despise inquisition

c'mon my latin brother..lets fight undercover
lets fight undercover

no more pleads
kill my greeds
no more kneels
war would heal

this land is our mother
its now a spell of bother

c'mon my latin brother
lets fight undercover
lets fight undercover

we are a seed underground
our weapons got their sound
its not a bloody famine
its just a massacre

we need our bread and butter
c'mon my latin brother
lets fight undercover
lets fight undercover

let the land crumble
let the feet tremble
curse in a childhood
we'll burn the hollywood

the land of cocain,ganja
will be drowned no furthur
lets fight undercover
lets fight undercover

you hippy, you nigga
old lady, smoke cigar
father,am not over
you priest do a joker
this land is our mother
its now a spell of bother

cmon my latin brother
lets fight undercover

fountain pen

fountain pen
writing emotions
brought out of drain

a jew in germany
and an anarchist in spain
fountain pen
writing emotions out of the drain

the losses of war
and the forever lost gain
the molested child
and that everlasting pain
fountain pen...drain

a day in the life of a soldier
and a day in the life of a poet
the feelings pale
emotions insane
fountain pen, emotions, drain...

uefa champions league

its midnight,everything silent
few dogs bark, a few lament

i am sleepless, eys glued
glued to tv, life screwed

few minutes and i am away
on a tour of europe, give way

its a star! no, many stars
one silver cup, so many wars

i am mingling into the realms
realms of europe and those dreams

have been to london, madrid and rome
moscow, lisbon, athens and glasgow

seen old trafford, camp nou and san siro
bernabeau, del alpi and i am a hero

zidane, beckham, rooney, lampard
kaka, messi, nistelrooy, gerrard

not to forget ronaldo, ronaldinho
totti, nesta, buffon and cannavaro

i have seen enough, time to kick off
let me face it, c'mon buck me up

its ultimate glory, its ultimate pride
its the best story told and the best survive

its not the world war, its UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
league of my life..time to win and a time to forgive

the broken tooth: band through my eyes

it was a friday or saturday evening and i was the only one with a cd player at that time...it was during 1st year...initial stages of maturity or rather immaturity.
a big kind of guy whom i used to make fun of came to my room with a cd in his hand and asked me to play it.
it contained some linkin park songs which i had heard before but never knew that it would become a hysteria.
the guy was pablo and i am pushpendra..the guy who first got the computer with a hard disk of 80 gbs to bear numerous songs sorry rock.
and then it all started soon led zeppelin, nirvana ,floyd were the one with whom i was already acquainted with...but not ozzy, rage against the machine, system of a down and yes "lost prophets". the band which would soon become a source of inspiration for us...
it all started to come back to us....we should make a band and why not...pablo always had a name in his mind like marie celeste or the wicked witch and even more...who else will....
but this rock which was perhaps alien to everyone except me and pablo before coming to IT BHU was spreading like conflagration in the batch...and we had a good culture and history of rock bands in our insti..
so the idea was there..and men too
adi was there always full of energy and laze....there were a few more guys who were seriously not in the plan at that time...
the problem was that except pablo as vocalist we had anything but enthu to bring out a band of us..
so it was not until the end of first year tht we first went to KP to learn something; I was for drums....and that was the last time too that i went there to learn something.
the year ended and exams screwed up...had a full heck of fun in summer but no band in mind...after summer the fakka....
i thought of quitting any plans for the band...and decided to pull my attention to football, at which i always think i m better than other things....hence the band in distress; no way. then there was a guy pc and alex....and chhotu...the band was immortal and is...

it may no longer be called marie celeste or whatever...but does the name has any bearing on the sentiments of the band..?
it was a dream band and is a dream band, to see it performing would be nothing less than playing there right on the stage...

i was always a part of the band and i will always be...
they call me the band manager sometimes the groupie too but i dont mind .
at least i am a part of the band...

long live broken tooth...

should i fall in love with you

should i fall in love with you

should i let you
engulf my thoughts
forever
long enough
till i feel doped
as long as
i sense laughter
emerging
from your divine soul
till
our breaths start rhyming
and eyes
become motionless
till
the birds close their eyes..

should i wait for you..
among the glitters of the starry sky
till the moonlight baths us
and make us wet
and then
till the morning sun wakes up
among those mystic trees
out of the pregnant sea
to dry us with its love

should i cherish your dreams
till your tenderness
brings me to life
or should i wait
for my wamth
to soften you, to caress you
till you fall in love with me
or should i fall in love with you...??

misses neelam pandey

its year 1998, i am among the brighter of the kids in the class although a dark horse for quite some time in the new school tulsi vidya niketan.
the second period and first day of our 7th class, the time table reads english period and a skinny, thin and short lady enters the classroom with books and attendance register held firmly in her hands. she introduces herself as NEELAM PANDEY. our new english teacher..and wow! she has such a nice accent of talking.
the first thing she asks the class is which is the only pronoun thats always capital and my hand shoots up in air but there were no challenges at all. 'I' is the answer and she is impressed.

days are passing and i am beginning to get better of others in the class. first test copies distributed, i secure 30, second highest manuj,26. and soon it was a regular scenario, me getting the highest marks and the second highest far behind. BUT DO I DESERVE THE MARKS???
i dunno but i love this teacher more than others. there is a pain in her heart but that never shows on her face. her hands are dry, hard and yellow due to excessive household and kitchen works and yet she speaks flawlessly, so impressively and looks towards me for every answer, some of which never came out.
now its the essay competetion, year 2001, class 10th. i secure third position in the city and who would know better than me that what had i done in that but she won't listen. she would rather call me modest and too humble and i can't convince her that i am not at all, she earns even more respect.

its pre board time now and i secure 83 marks while the second highest is 69, such a margin? highly unexpected but she keeps smiling.
"manuj has written the best letter, but pushpendra was also good."
"pradeep wrote this report very nicely, pushpendra was also nice"
these statements became a regularity. a daily routine..
"this one's good but pushpendra has outscored...."WHY??

who would believe that being unbeaten in english for five years, i was to be beaten at the biggest stage, the 10th board exams. i got 90 he got 92..HOW??
was neelam pandey mam partial towards me? i won't believe it..

she said what did i do in my exams...i should have scored more..and then i felt i could not have given the paper in a better way and i had no clue where i missed out.

so i leave the school with a lot of respect for her making her my favourite teacher for life..

and then after 4 years i see her at a temple. i greet her regards but she refuses to recognise me. i have to remind her that i am the same guy who scored highest on every occasion except for the most important level, and she's still skeptic. what effects could those 4 years have had on her?? i wonder, but her hands are still dry, hard and yellow. may be thats why she's at god's abode.
she is misses neelam pandey.

inquisition!!!

The girl softly spoke his name,
How she knew he did not know,
His terror still remained the same,
More seeds of terror would she sow,
The summer night turned to snow.
Through the snow he saw his father plod,
A tall man in a red cloak,
He had been a powerful sod,
He pulled the young girl past a tall oak,
Tears her white dress did soak.
Ahead a small cave opened,
in the hole a locked oak door,
The son was compelled and slowly followed,
The girl was still crying, her eyes were sore,
As he slipped a key into the door.
As it opened the door creaked,
Inside his father lit a lamp,
Of rotten flesh the chamber reeked,
Together the two descended the ramp,
Shedding light into the cold and damp

His voice still with cruelty laiden,
Spoke a curse as he lead her across the room,
Up toward the iron maiden,
He pushed her into that tomb,
Closing the front with a resounding boom.
An evil flame had always burned in that man's heart,
A terrible dark flare his son could sense,
It had burnt there from the very start,
Being around his father he had always been tense,
Ever since in a rage he was thrown onto a sharp wooden fence.
Her death was now assured,
A horrible slow eradication,
A generation ago she had died,
Yet here he was being shown her extinction,
He knew she was no witch at this junction.
Today she lies in a heretics grave,
outside of blessed ground,
simply a small grassy mound,
The son could no longer hang around

rebel..i want to fly..

REBEL

mother
harken my childhood cry
a velvet breath of life
these serene flowers
and a taste of heaven's wine

mother
let me fly high
let me touch the depths
let me yell
i am a rebel

mother
give me wings
give me wits
make me your soul
take my whole

mother
show me freedom
take me with you
or leave me with the wind
i want to rise
i want to fly

random FR()$TAT!0n

everyone seeks attention, so do i. being unnoticed is one of the sickest thing that can happen.
everyone likes glances at them, some may prefer stares but no one likes being turned down. i
seek approval, i like appraisal, i despice ignorance and so do you. if i can't understand it, why
should you?? why is all this happening?? what am i doing here?? why is this man teaching??
why is the result coming out tomorrow?? why didn't i study last semester?? why didn't i study in
any semester??but why did i come here??how did i come here??how did i come here??why
did i study then??how did i study then??when did i stop studying??did i ever begin??why
everyone compelled to study??why did he study??why did i come in contact with me??why
did we live in same vicinity?? why did i come to that vicinity??why i had to leave the old one??
what went wrong there??is everything right here??then why did i escape from there??what
was i doing there?? what am i doing here??and why am i here??why am i at all?? why??why??


is everything meant to happen??is everything bound to happen?what
are reasons??are reasons biased?? whats biasing??is biasing a reason to favour ourselves?
who is ourself??who is him??and me??and that??are there answers to all the questions??is
there answer to any question??what are questions??how much time left in class getting over??
is it over??and why is this man still teaching?? finally the page is over but not the class....?
was that a QUESTION??

P.S.sitting in any of p.k.m's class ma bring the best out of you...

mon-soons

the biRTHday giFt

those whispers
of slipping time
the redness of
those swollen eyes

enchanted tickling
of the midnight sky
time for truths now
no time for lies

the hour strikes
older i grow
a wishless smile
for truths i know

that priceless gift
gift of the day
the moment of pain
pain and dismay

incrimating me of
things i never did
accusing me of
thoughts i never hid

phlegmatic soul
i never was
secluded sedated
by and large

end of disgrace
end of belief
a new dawn
a sense of relief

the birthday gift
end of my exile
time to rethink
and wait a while