What's this all about?

There is a disillusionment that is always lurking beneath the surface, once we start digging. On the surface life is a pretty little ride with some bumps. however when you start inquisition, it is like quicksand. You keep sinking in and the more you try, the deeper you sink
Engaging ourselves in daily chores and the circle of happiness, we create a protective shell or facade, to forcefully give our lives a meaning. These trappings cover up the meaninglessness of existence itself

As Sartre would have said it, there is no meaning or purpose to life. There is no justification and no reason to live. 

One of the key ways to deal with the real anguish of existing without reason is to keep ourselves distracted. The life which is a deep void will become unbearable if you are not distracted enough. "One of the first signs of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die" As put by Kafka
Trying to be successful, trying to be rich, trying to do charity and help others, falling in love, engaging ourselves in activities, these are all incredibly strong distractions. So much so that it almost convinces us to call these the 'purpose' itself
But you can either be unhappy or ignorant. The social construct of happiness falls on its face when you try to associate a real meaning to life, because there isn't any

If you have everything, how can you be unhappy? Because the concept of everything is a facade. When humans have everything, they start contemplating their own insignificance even more
The only advantage we have is that we are easily distracted and that keeps us away from that contemplation. And once you are past the point where your distractions won't sustain you, the only option is death

"Existence precedes Essence"

We are doomed to exist without purpose. All we are is what we do. That's all. There's nothing more, nothing deeper.And having the freedom to change what we do is a terrible responsibility.

And yet we choose the option of embracing the absurd and keep running. Because the only other option is death.

You keep running and you never look back

Destiny

I always wonder
how
I can lose myself in you
again and again
couple of lost souls
meandering
through the nuances of triviality
yet smitten
like a bumblebee
drunk in love
with the queen of flowers
I love you more today
than yesterday
and will love you more
tomorrow
through thick and thin
and through joy and sorrow

The greatest game ever played in UCL

Being a Manchester United fan has spoiled me over the last 2 decades. Being used to success has become second nature. Things have gone downhill in last few years after the great Fergie decided to put his coat up the hanger. And thus have ensued many European nights of delights. Whether be it the first great UCL game witnessed by me when United overcame Bayern Munich at Camp Nou on 26th May 1999. The night which cemented my loyalty towards United. Or whether it is the amazing night in Moscow when unlucky Terry slip gifted us the trophy. Or the Night of the stars at Old Trafford when Real Madrid visited us and we beat them 4-3. though losing on overall goal tally. The night that belonged to the great Brazillian - Ronaldo Nazario. However my favorite European Night came in the form of a non United match. There have been quite a few great contenders over the years, most importantly the heart racing night in Istambul when Pool turned the tables on Milan in second half. A night that will go down in the memories as one of the greatest that Europe has seen or the Chelsea Monaco 2nd leg at Stamford bridge when Monaco overcame the Blues. But for me this honor goes to the monumental match at Highbury when Real Visited Arsenal for the round of 16 second leg in March 2006 (Still hazy on the exact date). This was arguably the biggest tie in the history of Arsenal Football club in Europe. Metting the Galacticos at Bernabeu and then back home in London looked to be a tasty affair. However no one was giving Arsenal a chance at the tie. The Los Blancos boasted of an enviable group of stars - Zizou, Becks, Ronaldo, Figo, Raul, Carlos and Casillas. What seemed like an initial cakewalk for the Whites suddenly toppled when Henry in form of his life silenced Bernabeu in one of his most memorable performances. That was a shocking blow. Arsenal came out winners in the first leg 1-0. Real pushed and pushed but Arsenal held their own. They were resilient, resilient to the core. And they were a team I grew up hating as they were the real competition to United in the early 2000s. But this was just the first leg. This was Real Madrid. They were bound to come on top in the second leg. 2 weeks later, they met in 'The Big Smoke'. North London never had such decorated visitors before. It was truly the city if joy and festivities.

The kick off time in India was around 12:45 that night. I was glued to the TV, those were different days. There was nothing to distract me. This was a night that I couldn't miss even intentionally. Blancos were in town. What followed was a night that will stay with me till the grave.

How many nil-nil encounters have sent your blood pumping and your eyes widening? Probably few. But none like this. What London saw that night was miracle. Arsenal overcame Real 1-0 based on the advantage that their Talisman had provided in the first leg. However this 0-0 became a thing of folklore. This match literally defined what we call casually 'end to end stuff'. Reyes hit the woodwork twice in the match while Raul on the other hand hit it once on a brilliant first time effort. The match was like an adrenaline rush. It was 90 minutes of relentlessness. Attack after attack. Alexander Hleb was in the form of his life. Dictating the midfield which feature names like Zidane, Beckham and Guti on the other side. Henry was at his sublime best, controlling the final third. Real threw everything at Arsenal, Robninho had great moments, Beckham came close twice only to be denied by Lehmann and some desperate defending. Ronaldo was denied once in the early stages of the match. Every moment of the match literally comes alive whenever I think of it. Imagine this scene. The match is in its last few moments, Real have a corner, Casillas is up in the box as well. This is now or never. Desperate times requiring desperate measures. Robert Pires shot from the half-way line, but Robert Carlos raced back to clear off the line. Martin Tyler and Andy Gray almost became breathless = 'He never stops running' . These were the lines from an exasperated Tyler. I am sure they had one of the hardest days of their life, commentating on such a spectacle. When match was over, viewers around the world would have been sweating like the players on the pitch. Ronaldo and Henry exchanged shirts. It was a loss for Madrid but the qualms didnt look obvious. It was a night to behold for the players, viewers and everyone alike.

The season turned out quite good for the Gunners as they made their way to the Finals where they were eventually shut down by another Spanish giant in Barcelona. Many European nights have passed, but I am still to feel that intensity, that adrenaline that I felt that night in London. It was as if I was in the middle of the action. This match single handedly summed Champions League to me. I will like to present a small Ode to those great European nights before shutting up

It's midnight,everything silent
few dogs bark, a few lament

This is the night of stars

A silver cup and so many wars

Mingling into those realms

These sleepless nights and million dreams

The ultimate glory, the ultimate pride

Many fall, the best survive

The best stories are being told 

Europe at war, Behold!

Belitung

The afternoon had suddenly turned dark. The waves were strong enough to engulf the whole village. Far south, thunders were visible, as if they wanted to break the banks, as if there was no tomorrow. Villagers seemed unperturbed by the turn of events. Storms were friends to them. They kept sipping their teas and singing hymns

She was scared, she felt the wrath of the thunder gods. Fragile and almost weightless. She was sexy when she was weightless. 

"We should head back to our guest house. The waves are getting higher and crazier. And the wind feels like swooping me off my feet"

During most such instances, it was me who would be shying away from getting up close and personal with nature, while she would always be the fluttering butterfly, ready to melt into the realms. However today was different, there was certain defiance within me. Somehow I wanted to be part of this storm with her, within her. Somehow I was not bothered about getting soaked, or my phone getting wet, at the cost of my soul remaining dry

"Its alright, we can enjoy the rain today, lets ride around on the bike for some time before heading back. The rain is a sweet smell of promise of good times. Good times do not stay forever"

And then we got drenched till our bones. We got swooped off our feet, we rode into the storm and came out clean and dry.

We laughed and cried with the songs of the rain, our laughter melting slowly into the sound of the rain...

The conversation

We are entangled
In our own soliloquy
Shhhhing.. the ocean
Bereft sometimes, often smitten
Just keep holding me tight,
for all my weak moments
Rest just the night

Absent Friends

"And I'm up while the dawn is breaking, even though my heart is aching. I should be drinking a toast to absent friends instead of these comedians."

Sometimes,
The warm feeling trickles down
The painful bliss, a shiny tinsel town
A silent hallway in my dreams
A lonely place full of screams

The absence of temperance
The sweetness of penance
I look in the mirror every passing day
The only missing thing is 'Sugar's absence

Mismatched Eternities

I am quixotic
I seek the ravine
A big beautiful escape
Rest, just the night

You dangle
You love, you are the blossom
A calm in this mind numbing chaos
Won't you just hold me tight?

We are entangled
in the midst of this eternal storm
Swinging our realities
to elude our miserable plight

Our fires are burning through the stones
The cacophony retreats, it shrieks
Cutting through the entrails of this cage
We sit here waiting to explode

Knowing that it would be alright!